We Are All Worried and so #WeAreAllMums

I wasn’t too young when I decided to plan for a baby; in fact if anything I felt that I was at the very right age. I was 27, my husband and I had thought about it for long. I knew what I was getting into, I was aware of the testing times ahead and I was ready to take them head on. I felt sure about it.

Things changed when I actually got pregnant. I started staying cautious, even a little fearful of my imagining that the worst might happen. I had started to feel doubtful about it all.

Maybe because it was my first pregnancy; or maybe because, I was living at a place far away from my parents or relatives; or maybe I doubted the thought of myself as a mother. I don’t know what the reason was but I know that it kept me on my toes. There was a part of me which was impatiently excited and yet there was a part of me which remained constantly worried.

I loved reading the “What to Expect When You Are Expecting” which every pregnant lady swore by. I remember enthusiastically reading the weekly development updates for the pregnancy. And then I would try finding in the book what all can go wrong during that phase. I remember going for my second scan and thinking about what if the doctor says there’s something wrong with the pregnancy or that the foetus is not developing the way it should be. Searching for the adverse was becoming a bad habit that I couldn’t get rid of. So much so, there was a time when I felt annoyed with myself.

My parents came to visit us when I was about 5 months pregnant. It was then, that for the first time, I shared my problem with my mother. I asked her if every pregnant lady worries like that or is it just that I am becoming a pessimist. And it was her reply that put me at ease. She said, “it’s ok to worry, that is just what mother’s do. Look at me, I still worry about you. I still feel uneasy at the thought that you live thousands of miles away from me. I get sick thinking about what all can go wrong and how I am not there to help you with it.”


Her response overwhelmed me. Especially because before that day I never considered myself “a mother.” I always thought of myself as a girl who is pregnant and will become a mother after a few months. But my mother made me realise that I became a mother the day I decided to become a mother, the day when I felt sure about having a baby, the day I felt comfortable seeing myself as a mother in future. Knowing that I am already a mother and it is my prerogative to worry turned my pregnancy around for me. I was able to cherish it and even enjoy it.

Therefore, when I found out about Tommy’s Mother’s Day initiative “We Are All Mums,” I knew I had to join in. I was a mother long before I gave birth to my daughter. And so is every woman who decides to bring a life into this world and to go on this tough journey. Irrespective of the outcome of the journey, irrespective of whether you reach the destination sooner or later. It is your thought, your courage, your love and your worrying that makes you a mother and that is all that there is to it.

Tommy’s funds research into pregnancy problems and provides pregnancy health information to parents.  According to their statistics, in 2014, there were 10 stillbirths, 684 miscarriages and 152 babies born preterm every day. Tommy’s aims to give a positive spin to these statistics. To read more about their initiatives and research, please visit here.


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2 Responses

  1. Ah Bhawna, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head! We are mother’s from the minute of conception, our babies inside us are already dreamed of and dreamt about. We can’t avoid having hopes and plans for our child. It really is heartbreaking when we can’t make those dreams come true, but that doesn’t make us any less of a mother.

    • Bhawna Saini says:

      You are right Vanessa and therefore my heart goes out to all the mothers who have suffered a loss. Once you become a mother, no matter what, you cannot not be a mother anymore.

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